Motherless

While working at the Clinic today, in my usual spot at the front desk, I heard a mom reassuring her daughter on the phone.  She said, "Everything will be fine, Honey.  It's okay, it will all be fine."  All of the sudden, I had to fight back the tears.  Oh the things I would give to hear my Mother's voice again, saying that to me.  How much I need that right now.  Some aches never go away.

Happy Birthday, Dakota!

Well, it's officially happened.  Dakota turned 18 years old today.  My mind and heart are swimming with mixed emotions today.  For the largest part, I'm so proud of my son and the person that he is.  Happy to see him growing into a man, reaching for the next step in life. 

There is also room for a small pause of  "where did the time go?"  Lots of memories and tender moments of his childhood. 

Dakota wanted a small family party.  He didn't want a lot of fuss about this momentous occasion.  We had a nice evening together, and he was surprised by his cake.

I love you so much, Dakota!  You make me laugh (and sometimes cry) but I wouldn't trade you for anything.  I'm so glad to have the gift of being your mom.

"Poetry on Canvas" Event

We had a good evening at the "Poetry on Canvas" event tonight.  Ray, Carson, and Micah went with me.  It was a celebration of poetry, visual art, and music.  I read my poem. along with the other poets.  Carson even took a short video of my reading.  The kids really enjoyed it.  There was some humor mixed in with the more serious work.  It has been a new and exciting experience to be involved in this event. 

Here are some pics.  The light in the room was low, due to a slide show of the paintings, so the photo of me reading is not very good.  All in all, a great evening.

                   My framed poem and artwork that was on display.  I purchased it afterward.

Reading "Night Terror"

                                                                   Melody and me

Third day post-op

We had a long day on Thursday.  Ray's rotater cuff repair surgery went well.  However, he didn't come out of surgery until after 8:00 that evening.  It was late and his oxygen saturation was lower (without help) than the doctor wanted it to be.  So, they kept him overnight.  We brought him home on Friday at 12:00 noon.  Since then, it's been the pain, nausea, ice machine, and all that goes with this surgery.  I'm the tired "caregiver" but glad he is doing as well as he is.  Hopefully, each day will be better than the one before. 

Tomorrow

Ray's surgery is tomorrow.  His right shoulder this time around.  It will be same-day surgery, but I know that recovery will be long and painful.  I pray that it will go well and he will feel much better after a few weeks.  We will do our best to take care of him.

Wishing

A neighbor of ours passed away a few days ago.  She was not very old. 

My son Carson and Diane's daughter Shandry were in the same Kindergarten class years ago.  At the time, I only knew her as the blonde who wore shorts and high heels.  The bus stop was right by her house, and I would talk to her every afternoon, as we waited for our children to come home on the bus.  During those visits, I learned that she had a "near death" experience years back that had left her with what she felt were "psychic" tendencies.  She sometimes helped the police when they were looking for lost children.  I also learned that she had felt inspired to adopt each of her three children as babies.  She said she had seen them before they came into her life.  I began to enjoy those visits and admire her spirit and her spunk.  She was much more generous than I had imagined. 

Now, so soon, she is gone.  I grieve for her children.  That is the thing I know most about her, they were her life and she adored them.  I wish I had known her better.

Rock Canyon

Let's see, where should I start this post? 

I grew up in Rock Canyon . . . literally.  No, we didn't live in that part of town, but my Dad was a hiker.  A serious hiker.  On his days off, all of my growing up years, he would leave early in the morning, drive to Rock Canyon and hike all day. He would come home sometime around dinner time.  I honestly don't know when his love affair with the canyon began, but he simply adored it and knew it like the back of his hand.  He knew all the secret places and trails.  He even befriended some wild creatures who lived there.  One of those was a domestic sheep that had wandered off and become wild in the canyon.  We named him "Sam the Lamb."

As soon as I was old enough to go along, Dad would take me to Rock Canyon.  He showed me "Devil's Kitchen" and helped me up through the brush on trails only he knew about.  He showed me the wild Sego Lillies and the "Indian Paintbrush."  He passed on to me his love for nature, and his belief that a person was closer to God in the mountains than any other place on earth.  He once told me that he often went there to pray.

My mother always feared for my Dad and his habit of hiking alone.  One summer day, when I was 11 years old, her fears came true.  While standing on a high peak in the mountains, Dad somehow blacked out, and fell down the mountainside in shale rock.  He drove himself home, though he never remembered that part.  He was all cut up and injured badly.  Several hours later, at UVRMC, Mom and I were told that the side of Dad's skull was crushed in. The best Neurosurgeon in the state was being life flighted from Salt Lake to try to save him.  After a long experimental surgery, and lots of recovery, Dad pulled through.  He had no brain damage, but suffered from from headaches and a noticable personality change.  To my mother's dismay, as soon as he was well enough, he went back to the canyon he loved so much.  He even went back to that spot to try to figure out what had happened to him.  He was an old Fire Fighter through and through :)

After my Dad died suddenly in 1993, I never went back to Rock Canyon.  I did not plan it that way, but somehow in my mind, he was still up there.  I couldn't face walking that canyon without being able to yell his name, as it was turning dusk, and hear his familiar and reassuring voice from up the canyon yell back to me, "I'm coming, Honey! I just went a little farther than I planned."  I had heard him yell that so many times when my Mom got worried and sent me looking for him. 

Of course, Rock Canyon has changed a lot over the years I have not been up there.  Last summer, Dakota convinced me to drive him up there and look around.  It was a tearful trip but it felt good to see the place again.  I only wanted to go up so far.

Today, we missed church, and I decided (in my Dad's memory) to take my children to praise God in nature, the way he had taught me.  We got "dollar menu" and went to Rock Canyon.  This time, I was overwhelmed with appreciation for the place, and enjoyed telling my boys the stories about going there with my Dad.  Since the trails are different now, I have to adjust to how to find places again.  We only planned on walking around a little, but couldn't get enough.  I saw my Dad in each of my boys as they collected rocks, analyzed tracks, and explored trails.  They can't wait to go back and see more, and honestly, I can't either.  Thank you, God, for a beautiful and healing day.

That sweet something

What a beeeautiful day outside.  The weather has been so nice.  These things happened today:

I found out that my poem (for the Poetry on Canvas event) and its companion art work is on display at the Historic Town Hall in American Fork.


I spent the entire day with my family.  The entire day!

We drove to American Fork, ran some errands, and then stopped at the cemetery to visit my Grandpa's grave.  As usual, Carson and Micah ran all around looking at graves and reading headstones.  Yes, they are related to me :)  When I mentioned a friend who is buried there, they could not leave until they had found the grave for me.  And they did.

We came home, popped popcorn and watched a movie, and then made cookies. 

Micah came in and put his arms around me.  I said "I love you," and he replied with a kiss on my cheek, "I love you more!"  And all was right with the world.

Fairy Tales

Who says Fairy Tales don't come true?  We should hold onto our dreams.  They help us in rough times, and inspire us to get up and keep going.

This real little flying dragon was found in Indonesia.  I stole it from my friend's Facebook page because I think it is so fascinating.  We don't know everything there is to know about this wonderful planet of ours.