Dakota, my oldest son

Tomorrow (the 28th) will be Dakota's 22nd Birthday.  He was born at 8:30 p.m. on a sunny but cool day at North Country Regional Medical Center in Bemidji, Minnesota.  Dr. Williams broke my water around 5:30 p.m. and went home to get something to eat, saying "I'll see you in probably about 10 hours."  Nope. Once the pain started, it didn't stop.  I went right into active labor.  The nurse came in for a routine check, and found that I was dilated to 9 cm.  She called the doctor, who never made it all the way home, and he came back just in time to deliver my beautiful 8 lb. 6 oz. baby boy.  My mother was there in Minnesota for his birth.  She said it was (next to my birth) the greatest moment of her life.  I cherish the memory that she was able to watch him come into this world.

Dakota is my hero in more ways than one.  He has struggled and won many battles in his life.  Always, I have know that he would overcome whatever the obstacle was.  God loves him, and I pray that he will always remember this.  I have not doubt about that.

Dakota was 18 years old when I became a single mom.  He put his college education on hold to be at home and help care for his two younger brothers while I worked three jobs.  Sometimes he would come upstairs and check on me, when he heard me sitting up crying in the night.  He has been blessed with his grandfather's humor and quick wit.  He always makes me laugh, when I need it the most.  He walked me down the aisle when I married my husband Paul.  That will always be one of my favorite memories. His gentle spirit and smile has always been a gift to all of us.  I love Dakota and I am thankful that God chose me to be his mother.

Thoughts in my head

So much has happened in my life.  I am on my seventh week of my new full time job.  More about that later.

Today I have something more important on my mind.  Something more spiritual.  We have been missing our church meetings quite a bit in the last couple of months, mostly due to illness.  But that's another story. During this time, something good and unexpected has happened. We have started reading the New Testament as a family, and everyone looks forward to our next reading. I have found things that I don't remember ever reading before.  Also, we have been watching the newer version of "The Bible" on Netflix. Another thing we all really enjoy.  These things have kept me feeling positive over seven weeks of illness.  I am very grateful.

Today, the 23rd Psalm has been running through my mind.  "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; though anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over."

Peace.

Celebrating Carson!

Thursday (the 11th) was Carson's 16th Birthday!  Wow, he has grown into such a strong and kind young man.  I know every mother says it, but time really does fly.  Carson has so many talents and is eager to learn and to work hard at all of them.  He is honest and dependable.  I could say so much more . . .

We had lasagna for dinner and ate cake and ice cream.  I am really sick and unable to go out right now, so we are going bowling another day.  I will post some pics tomorrow.  Love this son of mine!

Unbroken bonds

 I believe a mother is always there for her children.  Even when she isn't here on this realm of existence anymore.  I know mine is.  I have been cleaning today, trying to de-clutter my life a bit.  Going through a drawer, I found a letter from my mom.  It is dated March 23, 1987.  I was 19 years old, and we had apparently been discussing my fear about making a correct decision about something.  It is deeply personal, but I will share this lovely bit.

"Believe me when I say that clouds will pass over, rain will come, sadness will occur. But there is much more sunshine and happiness out there than anything else if we have the courage to trust in ourselves.  May God Bless."
                                            My Love Always,
                                                                   Your Mom

I read this letter with so much love in my heart and tears streaming down my face.  My mother has been in heaven for 16 years now, and yet she is comforting me still and giving me good advice.  I love you, Mom!

"Ch..ch..ch..changes"

Change is constant in our lives.  We are in motion, hopefully always forward.  A new opportunity brings hope and excitement, good changes.  However wonderful the future is, there is always a grieving time for the familiarity of things left behind.  As my co-worker said a couple of days ago, "The best decision is not always the easiest to make."

I will miss the Orem library very much, and most of all, the co-workers who have become a second family to me. However, I look forward to a new full time position with Utah County and the adventures and learning to come.

Goodbye, Major Tom

Yesterday, I woke up to the news that David Bowie had passed away from cancer. As my friend Kim said on Facebook, "to say he was an icon is an understatement."  So many of us loved this visionary singer, actor, and song writer that he was.  I met him as just a small kid, sitting with my parents in our family room, watching this wild looking space guy with a guitar, singing on TV.  Then some years later, watching him sing wearing a nice tailored suit, with just that blonde hair, one blue eye and one green eye.  "Changes," as his song said.  Always changing and pushing the barrier a little more.  Through it all, that beautiful voice.

I can't remember any of my life without Bowie's music, and I'm glad it's that way.  I will remember a man who wrote, and sang amazing things.  Someone who was eccentric but classy. He couldn't stand to be boring, and I wonder now if he viewed heaven as another grand adventure.  I like to think they have a great voice up there.

Always one for drama and a sense of humor, he released his last album two days before he died and left us with his swan song "Lazarus."

"This way or no way
You know, I'll be free
Just like that bluebird
Now ain't that just like me."

Poetry crush

"While all bodies share the same fate, all voices do not."

                                               Li-Young Lee



"People who read poetry have heard about the burning bush, but when you write poetry, you sit inside the burning bush."

                                              Li-Young Lee


I sort of love this guy.  One of my favorites.  Amazing.