Dakota's 19th Birthday!

It's so hard to believe.  This child who was my first.  The first time I looked at him, right after birth, a new feeling came forever into my life.  I would not be the same after that moment.  I joined the club, understood the emotions that so many mothers had tried to explain to me before.

Dakota is my oldest child.  He has brought tears of joy and of pain to my life.  I would not give up either, nor would I trade this boy for anything in the world.  Maybe it has been within our struggles that we have bonded as mother and son.  Dakota is strong.  Stronger than most adults that I know.  In his young life, many challenges have threatened to take that smile from his face, but they have not. 

I know this is a sappy post, but there are things in my heart that are deep and pure.  My oldest son turned 19 years old yesterday.  I'm so grateful to be his mother. 

I love you, Dakota!  You make me smile everyday, and even encourage me when I need it.  Happy Birthday to you!

Yes, Master Yoda

I always tell Micah that he is a little old man in a child's body.  For whatever reason, this boy just understands.  He understands the big grown up questions, and sometimes things I can't believe. Most of all, he reads my emotions and comforts me.  He's been like this since he was a year old.  When I'm sitting quietly by myself and sad, he will come over and pat my back and say something positive to me.  He often says "I don't know what I would do without you" or "I like to get up early in the morning to spend time with you, Mom."  Be still my heart! 

Micah also says funny things like when I ask him how he deals with two older brothers, who sometimes do not get along.  "Oh, I just sit back and watch the show."  And of course, the one I posted on Facebook from President's Day this year.  I had been explaining what the holiday means and he blurted out "I can't wait until we have a woman President.  The guys keep making loopy decisions!"

All of this brings me to the reason for this post.  As a writer, I'm always searching for just the right figurative language.  Micah and I were driving in our van today, just the two of us.  Micah wanted to explain to me about his brother Carson's attitude lately.  He blew my mind with this little gem.  "Carson is like that cool rock that you see in the dirt.  The more you try to pull it out of the ground, the more you realize how huge it is."

I think I will call him Yoda.

Believing

I had a quote on my mirror a few years ago.  It said simply "Miracles Happen to Those Who Believe in Them."   I loved it, and I read it everyday. 

I'm a believer.  I believe in God.  Because of that, I know that many things are possible in life.  I've learned not to doubt the unexplained and the things I can't see or remember.  The heavens are forever, and much exists underneath them. 

I've tried to teach my children to be searchers, seekers, observers, and to keep an open mind about people and things.  How much more beautiful the world is when we take the time to look.  When we notice the small things, and wonder about them.  When we see God in everything around us. 

Of course, this belief has led to children who watch "Finding Bigfoot" and "UFO Hunters."  However, it has also led to children who watch "Secrets at the Museum" and every history and educational show they can watch.  When we go to the canyon, they notice the blue bird who always follows us, and the immense beauty of our mountains.

There is a contemporary poet who wrote that God has been hiding since the bible times.  I say, God has not been hiding.  This writer has not been looking.  There are miracles in my life every single day, and in the lives of people around me. 

Yes, I'm a believer.  And I'm so glad.

Sunshine in our souls

Even though you can't tell by this photo, the sun was out and it was so beautiful today.  I was in the van before they could finish asking if we could go to the mountains.  Sure, there was snow on the ground, and Dakota forgot to bring a jacket, but we enjoyed our walk anyway.  Love these days with my boys!  P.S. Carson was hiding from the camera.

Katie moves

My best friend in the whole world has moved 4 hours away.  It happened over the weekend, and I cried about it like a little kid.  She will be quick to point out, when she reads this, that she cried when I moved away to Minnesota for a couple of years.  That is, however, beside the point in my moment of self-pity about this.

Katie and I have been friends since we were four years old.  We are like sisters.  Family to each other forever.  We share memories and loved ones.  My kids always say to me, "You sound like Katie when you say that."  Well, that will happen after this many years together.

I am truly happy for Katie and her husband Scott, and the beautiful dream home they have built in Kanab.  I plan to go and visit them often in the land of the red rocks.  And yes, we still have phones.  We can call each other often, and we will. 

But for now, I will just feel sad for awhile.  Then I'll plan a trip :)

My Unconventional Days

The Winter has been long here.  Haze has clung in the air and over all the beauty of the snow.  I like to look out the window and imagine.  Yes, I am holding on.  Waiting for Spring, for rainbows, and for signs of life from the ground.   Needing the rain to come and wash the sad away.

Carson becomes a teenager

My second child is now a teenager.  We celebrated Carson's birthday on Feb. 9th (the Saturday before his birthday, which is the 11th).  We bowled and ate pizza at Fat Cat's.  In the evening, we had cake at home and went out to dinner.  I am proud of Carson.  He is strong and has overcome so much. 

Carson has wanted some cowboy boots.  We took a trip to Ream's for his birthday present.  You should see him wearing them with his pajamas.  Yes, he does.  Micah got another late birthday present in the form of a belt buckle.